Ayden Heaven: United’s Budget Guardian Angel…

Move over, Jonny Evans and Victor Lindelof! Manchester United might not need to go shopping for a shiny new centre-back now that they’ve discovered a gem right under their noses: young Ayden Heaven. His stellar performance against Real Sociedad on Thursday was nothing short of heavenly. The kid danced circles around the opposition, showing Amorim’s three-at-the-back system might just work without costing United a single golden penny.

While everyone thought United would need to break the bank in the summer transfer window, it turns out Ayden has other plans. With the exit signs blinking for Evans and Lindelof, it seemed like a shopping spree was imminent. Instead, Ayden stepped in, proving he could save the club millions and more importantly, spare United fans another transfer season of biting nails and over-analyzing player stats.

Ruben Amorim is clearly impressed. He praised Heaven’s blistering speed and defensive skills at the pre-Leicester press conference, even hinting that there’s more playtime heaven-ward for the young star. With a potential lineup that includes heavyweights like Harry Maguire and Matthijs de Ligt, with Heaven now an option, United fans can joke that the only thing more exciting than their backline is guessing their next goal-scorer. Who needs new signings when the future is so bright right on your field?