Masked Mayhem and Pre-Derby Drama!


Hold onto your footy hats, folks! The Greater Manchester Police enacted their version of ‘Mission Impossible’ and swooped in like seagulls on a chip, arresting three intrepid Manchester United fans just days before the city’s beloved derby. These hooligans, oops, I mean ‘enthusiastic supporters,’ aged 24, 30, and 39, were accused of having a practice scuffle with Dutch rivals, who allegedly disappeared quicker than a ball at a kids’ match as the cops arrived last September. They go to Salford for a scrap and end up in snaps—photos that is, which made social media tremble like a nervous goalie!

The 80-man brawl unfolded faster than you can shout “Red Card!” Rumor has it these Dutch rivals found their soul-cleats and sprinted smack into Manchester City Centre. Greater Manchester Police have been hot on their tail, piecing together the ‘Magnum PI’ case of hooligan fisticuffs with the precision of VAR officials on a good day. So far, 13 have been nabbed, each getting a VIP bracelet-for-life known as police bail. The trio of scuffle artists may soon find themselves released but with strict commands: “Thou shalt not hover near Old Trafford on derby day!”

As we prep for the weekend’s epic clash of titans – a derby that promises as much mayhem as marshlands in a monsoon – the Greater Manchester Police gear up with the determination of a manager who’s finally found his last packet of chewing gum. Chief Superintendent Colette Rose, the footy world’s version of Batwoman, vows to keep a keen eye on both rival flanks to ensure the day’s headlines remain focused on goals, not guffaws. Brace yourselves; this derby is gonna be more intense than a goalie’s stare-down at a penalty kick!