Chaotic Kickabouts and Missing Stars…
In a madcap twist for Manchester United fans, their Europa League adventure resembles a circus clown car with flat tyres! Young defender Ayden Heaven, who was planning an ankle-breaking comeback, now finds himself doing a disappearing act before the big clash against Lyon. Club insiders whisper he’s had a ‘tiny glitch’ — or as we say in footie slang, ‘a case of the misbehavin’ ankles’! Meanwhile, Matthijs de Ligt’s foot refuses to break its beauty sleep, leaving United’s backline wobbly as jelly on a tempestuous trampoline.
Even veteran Jonny Evans, fresh from a four-month sabbatical entangled in invisible ninja battles, finally graced the training pitch like a long-lost questing knight. Not to be left out, Amad pranced around with a ball on a separate patch, like a lone squirrel dribbling past imaginary acorns, while Joshua Zirkzee’s hamstring sang sad tunes from the physiotherapist’s chamber. Manager Ruben Amorim, meanwhile, faces the mystical ‘Onana Dilemma’ — will he, won’t he, magic Andre back onto the pitch?
As a chaotic carousel spins in United’s camp, the potential starting lineup features a cast of all-star heroes ready to battle the Lyon dragon. Oddball characters like Harry “Humpty Dumpty” Maguire and Noussair “Juggler” Mazraoui prepare to fortify the defence, with Bruno “The Maestro” Fernandes and Alejandro ‘Quick Silver’ Garnacho ready to orchestrate the midfield musical. Keep an eye out for Rasmus Hojlund looking to score goals as if they’re going out of fashion! Stick around for more absolutely normal, not-at-all alarming updates delivered straight to your flying broomsticks — or via our blossoming WhatsApp chat!
