Ronaldo Loses Fitness Crown to Surprise Contender…

Darren Fletcher, former Manchester United player and part-time purveyor of bombshells, has shaken the football world. While the globe was spinning to Cristiano Ronaldo’s six-pack rhythm, Fletcher slammed a new name on the fitness hall of fame. Who, pray tell? James McClean, the energizer bunny who’s been apparently lapping everyone!

You see, Fletcher, who has rubbed cleats with the legends, confessed to FourFourTwo that McClean was the fittest bloke he’s ever seen. Forget Iron Man, meet Iron James! With a statue near Wrexham made from gym weights being likely as we speak, McClean’s secret talent of ‘running forever’ might explain why Hollywood’s owning him – he could star in a marathon movie next!

Even ex-Red Devil goalie Ben Foster thinks McClean’s fitness work rate is from another planet, probably Krypton. Foster found McClean sweating up a storm early mornings, waving at fitness machines like they owe him money. If aliens arrive and want Earth’s fittest person, well, McClean might just be the guy ­– wearing Reebok runners instead of a cape!