Amorim’s Squad Turns Into Walking Crutches…
In the grand theatre of gladiators and ball wizards, manager Ruben Amorim is spinning more plates than a circus octopus! As the Europa League clash against Lyon looms like a dragon in a discount fairy tale, Manchester United has lost the services of Joshua Zirkzee. With a hamstring as flexible as a rusty door hinge, Zirkzee is out for the season, joining the sidelines of legends-in-waiting, leaving Amorim tearing his hair out like a pasta-making gorilla.
Zirkzee’s exit marks the second season-ending ticket to the Medics’ World Tour after Lisandro ‘Will Return By 2025’ Martinez did his best impression of a noodle trying to resist boiling water by snapping his ACL. Meanwhile, Matthijs de Ligt is nursing a foot that tangoed too aggressively with the pitch against Nottingham Forest. He promises to hallmark his return with a jive soon enough, unlike Ayden Heaven who’s still dragging his celestial injuries across the pitch like a misunderstood superhero.
In a surprise turn of events, Jonny Evans has been seen trotting about, possibly ready to resurrect his role against Lyon! Toby Collyer is in a race against time with leg injuries that sulk, while Amad is hopping back into action—literally like a kangaroo on a trampoline. The Red Devils may be banged up, but they’re dealing with it in style, or at least that’s the exaggerated comedy version we like to imagine!
