Amorim’s Astonishing Absentee Admission…
Hold on to your football boots, dear fans, because Manchester United is stumbling into Brentford like a clumsy elephant on a unicycle! With six players potentially MIA at this whirlwind Premier League bash, it’s injury palooza for poor Ruben Amorim’s Red Devils! They’ve got a toe-tapping tango with Athletic Bilbao lined up first with a three-goal cushion like a neighbor’s overstuffed couch, but hold your horses before they horse around too much!
Word on the pitch is Our Man Mazraoui is as close to a blowout as your grandma’s ancient teapot, living life at “maximum output”—which might mean his legs turn into spaghetti at any moment! Join him in the infirmary skybox are band-aid brothers Lisandro Martinez, Joshua Zirkzee, Diogo Dalot, and Ayden Heaven, doing their best impressions of absent-minded ghosts. With a fitness test more intense than a Ferris wheel of fortune, Toby Collyer might just make a guest appearance!
Coach Amorim, the poetic prophet of our time, admits, “We’re Manchester United, dang it! We’ve gotta think we can win, even with half our squad transformed into marshmallow men.” With the World of Injuries wild west show on full blast, he’s playing the squad rotation game tighter than a grandma’s purse strings, all while juggling his focus like a busy circus clown. Can the Red Devils rise to a mighty 13th?! Let’s stay tuned for this epic saga of soccerdom!
