The Red Devil of Disappointment…
In a twist worthy of a soap opera penned by Monty Python, Manchester United’s most devoted disciple, Gary “The Globetrotter” Stevens, finds himself playing musical chairs—and losing! The 70-year-old super fan, who rides the Manchester magic carpet to every dang away match, now faces an epic home finale on the TV. Why? Because the ticket gods have decided to rain on his parade, leaving him in front of the telly with only his remote as a witness to the potential glory in Bilbao.
Picture this: a loyalty-laden reward program that leaves our poor Gary, once a proud holder of the season ticket scepter for 25 triumphant years, out in the footballing wilderness! Despite his travels more epic than an away goal in Fergie time, Gary’s golden ticket dreams have soured faster than warm lager. A cancer diagnosis had him dropping his season fortresses last year, and now he’s stuck with nary a clue from the ticket munchkins who determine the chosen few to bask in the live Europa League glory!
Meanwhile, United’s mighty spokesperson declares their hands tied by the tiny allocation—and that, dear fans, is bureaucracy with a side of red tape, as if they’re preparing prawn sandwiches for a ticket barbecue. Now a member without his season ticket armor, our Gary and his mate are cast adrift on the high seas of football fandom, without a goal post in sight. Oh, Gary, it’s enough to make Sir Alex revive the hairdryer, if only for the injustice of it all!
