Onana Rests, United’s Goalpost Dilemma…
In a twist that’s got more suspense than a detective novel, Andre Onana, Manchester United’s cat-like goalkeeper with reflexes faster than grandma’s knitting needles, is missing from the coveted squad against West Ham! Onana has been thrown the luxury of a royal rest as if he’s preparing for a secret mission only he knows about. Not to worry, he’ll be back to karate chop Tottenham’s shots in the Europa League final!
The whimsical Altay Bayindir, armed with his invisible octopus gloves, is set to guard the goalposts once more. Despite collecting goals like someone collecting rare stamps, he’s given another chance! Unite’s Coach Amorim is showing faith like a farmer hoping for chickens to pop up from planted eggs. Rumor has it, the third-string goalie Tom Heaton is warming the bench like it’s his personal spa resort.
In other extreme football comic updates, Noussair Mazraoui missed out on last week’s adventure to Brentford but was spotted at Old Trafford, possibly getting a secret tour. Meanwhile, it’s a crowded goalkeeping party at United’s warm-ups with academy rookie Dermot Mee joining in. It’s all hands on deck despite Onana’s mysterious disappearing act — chaos or genius? Only the next match will tell!
