Tottenham’s Comedy Night in the Physio Room…
Aye, carumba! A comedy of errors fit for a Shakespearean play, Tottenham Hotspur brace themselves for the Europa League showdown against mighty Manchester United in Bilbao — and all eyes are on the Spurs’ gigantic list of walking wounded! Dejan Kulusevski, the Swedish sensation with the speed of a caffeine-fueled squirrel, got his knee stuck in a metaphorical bucket during last Sunday’s dive against Crystal Palace. The suspense is thicker than a referee’s whistle pea as everyone awaits whether he’ll be the D’Artagnan to the squad’s three Musketeers. Meanwhile, coach Ange Postecoglou eagerly checks his Amazon delivery for a magic potion.
Brace yourselves: James Maddison, the midfield maestro known for flicks flickier than a flickering lightbulb, has been ruled out for the grand finale due to a knee that now bends like a drunk flamingo. Ange mourns, but it’s Maddison who’s feeling like a kid who dropped his ice-cream cone. Bergvall, the youthful prodigy who danced around the pitch like a llama on roller skates all season, has also been sidelined with an ankle that can’t decide if it wants to be a balloon or a water balloon.
And let’s not forget our dashing Dragusin, the ACL champs of Tottenham. This valiant knight has been out since the snowy climes of January after performing a daring pirouette that sent his knee on a leave of absence. Now, he’s dreaming of pre-season action, sharing mysterious posts of football bag conspiring to unravel new world order. Ange’s bench in Bilbao could look more like a retirement home than a football team. Who needs players anyway when you’ve got as many injuries as a soap opera has plot twists?
