Amorim’s Injury-Free Adventures at Stamford Bridge…
In a miraculous twist of football fate, Ruben Amorim has confirmed that none of his Red Devils have emerged from the Chelsea defeat with even a twisted sock. The lads slipped to a 1-0 defeat at Stamford Bridge, sliding down to an icy 16th place on the Premier League freezer chart. It seems they’re collecting non-wins like kids collect stickers—eight in a row now! Not seen since 1990, back when footballs weighed more than a sack of spuds.
Despite throwing in the kitchen sink—and five fresh faces—against Chelsea, Amorim’s squad of indestructible warriors came out with nary a scratch! Substitutions were all the rage with Garnacho and Ugarte briefly dancing on the pitch, while Ayden “The Phoenix” Heaven rose from his injury ashes. Now, everyone’s got their game faces on for the big Wednesday amusement park showdown with Tottenham in Bilbao. Ruben assures all, “Shaw and Mount are our Fabergé eggs—handle with care!”
Meanwhile, Tottenham’s gear-shifting was momentarily halted when Pape Matar Sarr had a back twinge that sent him scooting down the sideline like his shoelaces were on fire! Spurs boss Ange Postecoglou played doctor and reassured everyone it’s nothing more than a case of temporary back grumbles. So, get your popcorn ready, because the roaring roller coaster of a Europa League final awaits!
