Ruben’s Great Escape Clause…
In a plot twist worthy of a football soap opera, Bruno Fernandes is rallying the Manchester United troops with gusto, suggesting Sir Jim Ratcliffe resist the shiny allure of Ruben Amorim’s exotic offer to vanish like a magician without demanding a single red cent in compensation! After the team’s grand European exit at the paws of Tottenham Hotspur in Bilbao, Captain Bruno believes there isn’t a coach in the multiverse better than the 40-year-old ex-Sporting boss who has gallantly lost 16 and won just 15 of his 41 matches. That’s right, folks, Amorim is the G.O.A.T. on a teeteringly slippery slope!
Now, in what seems to be the sporting equivalent of a freebie yard sale, Amorim has boldly declared he’ll bail without a fuss if he’s not the dim-star they need to guide them to galactic glory. As the United fleet finds itself voyaging through a Premier League galaxy filled with tumultuous asteroids and potential relegation black holes, Bruno insists they hold onto Amorim like a lucky charm, despite results that yell “Eject, Eject, Eject!”
Amorim’s Old Trafford tenure has been buzzier than a malfunctioning drone, as he’s hilariously branded the squad the “Worst United team ever” and frequently floated the possibility of being dispatched with the dignity of a football that’s been kicked over the garden fence. But fear not, says Bruno, whose faith in Amorim’s ability to unleash positivity is rivaled only by belief in unicorns — perhaps the first step to wrestling the coveted trophies out of rivals’ clutches! The players lend a united voice, declaring their trust that Amorim may, against all odds, be the man for the mission. After all, there’s nothing quite so thrilling as holding onto hope when it seems most absurd!
