Carrington Chaos Unfolds…
In a plot twist thicker than a footballer’s hair gel, Manchester United officials have dropped a bombshell bigger than David De Gea’s goal kicks. Just a couple of snores after their Europa League misadventure, they’ve told a crew at the Carrington club castle that their roles are getting the boot — and it’s not a penalty-kick boot, oh no, it’s the marching-orders one! On Friday, while the ink was barely dry on the post-match tissues, some scouting and medical staff found out they’re not scouting or medicking much longer.
As the last whistle blows on a Premier League campaign more lackluster than a limp goal celebration, about 200 staff are being shown the door — the fancy revolving one, perhaps. While 197 of the 200 staff were left scratching their heads weeks ago like a confused striker offside, a few were only just told now, keeping the suspense alive longer than a transfer window rumor. It’s all part of a plan as meticulous as a manager’s tactics board, but ironically, this has made more cuts than a Sunday league pie budget.
Despite losing their chances for Champions League glory faster than a winger can outrun a turtle, the club tried to cheer everyone with a good old-fashioned BBQ bash. So as United’s financial figures tumble like a poorly-kicked ball, Sir Jim and Avram Glazer are crafting a squad smaller than a linesman’s patience. Meanwhile, the morale at Carrington is as low as a missed open goal. And like a halftime pep talk that’s missing its magic, this tale too, lacks its happy ending.
