A Midfield Mauling of Epic Proportions!…
In a move that can only be compared to a flying tackle from a deranged midfielder, Nemanja Vidic has launched a volley of words at Ed Woodward, the former commander-in-chief of Manchester United. Woodward, who advised the Glazers on their intergalactic takeover in 2005, helmed the Red Devils with more wobble than a jelly at a picnic from 2013 to 2021. During this tempestuous tenure, United splashed a mountain of cash — enough to buy a small moon, over £1 billion in transfer fees — yet only pocketed a charming trio of trophies. Three proud cups to show for Woodward’s reign of rickety racketeering!
Vidic, the Serbian wall of footballing fame, didn’t hold back as he lamented the post-Fergie era as one where even the tea lady deserved a trophy more than the Red Devils. “There was no chance United wouldn’t win the league for 12 years,” he expressed before pointing fingers at the loss of Sir Alex and David Gill, two big kites keeping the ship aloft, now vanished leaving the ship to drift into chaos. According to Vidic, Woodward fumbled the ball like a goalie wearing mittens, struggling with agents, and player dealings like a cat chasing its own tail.
The former defensive colossus suggested a superhero squad of former players — the Neville Scholes-Giggs trinity — should have been assembled to combat agents like an Avengers movie shot in Old Trafford. The club, instead, was outsmarted by the Janice-in-Accountings of the football world, giving out salaries like they were candy on Halloween. “Recruitment!” Vidic exploded, “We need to watch who we bring in; this isn’t Build-a-Bear!” With rallying cries about needing stalwarts with backbones of reinforced titanium, one can only wonder if Vidic might soon don a cape himself to bring glory back to the Theatre of Dreams!
