United’s Loan-A-Thon Takes the Stage…
Manchester United have unleashed their secret weapon — not on the pitch, but in the boardroom! Former red devil, Jonny ‘The Loan Shark’ Evans, has taken charge of the Loan Express, where budding footie prodigies are shipped off to gain superpowers at smaller clubs. Remember, if you haven’t been loaned out by Evans, are you even a prospect?
Meet Enzo Kana-Biyik, the leaping striker from Le Havre, now passing ‘Go’ in Lausanne-Sport for his first international dribbling adventures. Like the epic Pogba himself, Enzo’s already feeling the Swiss breeze in his hair, albeit on the injury list rather than the field. Let’s hope he hops back on the gravy train in no time!
Meanwhile, the magical mystery tour continues as Sonny Aljofree flits from Accrington to the glitzy lights of Notts County. Habeeb Ogunneye races to Newport County under the watchful eye of boss Hughes, who apparently applied Jedi mind tricks to swoon him over. But that’s not all! While Joe Hugill seeks goal-o-matic redemption at Barnet, and Elyh Harrison adopts the ghostly goals of Shrewsbury, Dan Gore is off to Rotherham for a battle with brittle boots. As for Rashford, his Spanish siesta with Barcelona could save United a pant-load of cash—Cha-ching! How’s that for the summer spectacle from Manchester’s very own red circus?
