Red Devils’ Wild Ride to Redemption…
Hold on to your scarves and dust off those devils’ horns as Manchester United takes the ultimate rollercoaster loop-de-loop into the 2025/26 Premier League season! After parachuting down to a shocking 15th place last season (cue gasps), the Red Army’s looking to soar like a rocket in Ruben Amorim’s turbo-charged managerial jet pack. With new recruits Matheus Rockefeller Cunha and Bryan “Bicycle Kick” Mbeumo on board, plus teenage wonderkid Diego Leon shredding left-back dreams, the Theatre of Dreams has decked the stage for a grand how-do-you-do. Meanwhile, other players are waiting for their Hogwarts letter until September 1 – who will poof away next?!
The Manchester Evening News proudly presents the zaniest United guide of all time: the 2025/26 Kick-Off special! Watch expert scribes Samuel “Maradona” Luckhurst, Steven “Sherpa” Railston, and George “Gaffer” Smith dissect the state of this footie circus. They’ll shine lasers at Amorim’s strategies, spill the beans on United’s roster, and give you the complete gossip dossier on Premier League foes. Stay tuned for the oh-so-crucial brain-busting quiz — will you be crowned Footie Master?
Priced at a pie-and-a-half (£3.50), this souvenir of magical whimsy will morph you into a footie prophet, predicting matches faster than a greased-up winger. It’s dropping like confetti on August 6, and trust us, you don’t want to miss the pre-order tsunami from our online emporium. Whether you snag it from your local wizardry supermarket or conjure it to your door, be there before the curtains lift on the Gunners versus United showdown. Wo-ho-ho, let the football carnival begin!
