Martinez, Onana & Zirkzee’s Comic Comeback…
Holy footballs, Batman! Manchester United fans can finally catch a breeze from their nerve-wracked brows! Lisandro “The Ligament Legend” Martinez is doing the cha-cha-cha back to fitness! Yes indeedio, the brave defender is slowly strutting through light training in Chicago after spending half a year waltzing through rehab land post-ACL-shuffle against Crystal Palace! It’s like watching a hobbit step on tiny blades of grass at the legendary Endeavor Health Performance Center!
But that’s not all, folks! On the horizon, we see Andre “Bumblebee” Onana buzzing back from his hamstring woes! He’s showing more spring than a caffeinated kangaroo on grass patches, aiming to fly the coop for United’s mega-final friendly on August 9! And yes, before anyone asks, he’s still got the moves – like a goalkeeper doing jazzercise in quicksand! His return aims to squash the goalkeeper drought that’s had United sniffing around for Aston Villa’s elusive Emiliano Martinez like a puppy in a butcher shop!
And last but certainly not least, Joshua “The Sprints” Zirkzee is shaking off the injury cobwebs and is on a mission to stroll into the new season with more pace than a cheetah on roller skates! After a late-hero’s return attempt ending in a final huff in Bilbao – this time, Joshua’s taking it easy with the help of tip-top rehab superheroes to be fresh for kickoff day! Grab your popcorn and wear your best fan capes, United’s drama-filled pre-season escapades are a cartoon extravaganza!
