Marvel at United’s Pre-Season Injury Shenanigans…
Hold on to your knee pads, folks, because Manchester United’s tour of the US has become the football equivalent of a clown car pile-up! The Reds are gearing up for an epic showdown with the toffee-flavored Everton at Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium. After prancing around the States and hilariously wobbling past teams like West Ham and Bournemouth, they’re on the hunt for a shiny pre-season trinket to dangle at Old Trafford. The question remains: will their band of merry, limping men make it across the finish line?
Injury updates straight from the injury-infested land of Gremlins: Goalkeeper Onana, whose hamstring has been tighter than a packed sardine can, has finally made it Stateside with the usual grimace and a massage therapist in tow. Is Fiorentina back home shaking in their boots with Onana’s miraculous recovery on the cards? We’ll just have to hobble on and see come August 9!
And huzzah for Martinez! After taking a good old tumble against Crystal Palace and giving his ACL a whirlwind tour of surgery land, he’s been spotted lifting weights in the gym like a true comeback contender. But alas, Mazraoui and Zirkzee, dear comedy companions, continue the suspense. Mazraoui took a dazzlingly unexplained exit against Leeds, and Zirkzee is more invisible than a referee’s call on a diving header. Can these lads break free, or will they remain the punchline of injuries? Time will tell, my fellow pitch philosophers!
