Red Devils Desperately Need a No.9…
In a twist that would make even the loopiest football head spin like a goal on a crooked pitch, Rio Ferdinand, the defender turned oracle, has summoned Manchester United to chase after Napoli’s Goal Wizard, Victor Osimhen. With fewer goals in a season than a gaggle of toddlers learning to dribble, the Red Devils need a talismanic No.9. Sure, they signed Wolves’ Matheus Cunha, but the hunt for the striker wild goose is still on!
Rumor has it that Arsenal might swipe Viktor Gyokeres off the shelf before United even ties its boots. Ferdinand’s caw can be heard circling all the way to Turkey, as he wisecracks about Galatasaray’s £50m bid being peanuts—probably the kind packed in an airplane snack. “I’m like a broken record,” the ex-United savant declares, crooning about Osimhen with the gusto of a karaoke star in the spotlight.
Reports suggest Napoli shoos away the £50m offer like it’s a mere worm on their mighty Italian nose. Still, Man U’s plan involves moon-walking with Brentford’s Bryan Mbeumo, while they throw ‘60-millions’ around like football-shaped confetti. Ferdinand remains hopeful, as if he’s holding a magic eight ball predicting a transfer spree treaty. Rome might not have been built in a day, but with Ferdinand’s wise sardine spirit, Old Trafford just might land its elusive No.9 unicorn!
