Onana & Hojlund’s Comedy Combo!…
In a twist more bewildering than a cat in football boots, Manchester United’s comedic duo, Andre Onana and Rasmus Hojlund, dazzled the Lyon crowd with a slapstick performance fit for a cartoon reel! Our resident net-nanny, Onana, managed to drop not one but two pearly eggs at the Groupama Stadium, gifting Lyon a 2-2 moment to cherish. With a flair for theatrics, Onana spilled a shot like a watermelon at a juggling contest, letting Rayan Cherki munch on a last-minute buffet goal. With United fans scratching their heads like fruit bats at a lamp show, Sunday’s Newcastle duel might just see Onana warming the bench!
Meanwhile, at the business end, oh dear, Rasmus Hojlund! The Danish wizard with the disappearing goals — Hojlund has netted only once in his last 27 magical mishaps, proving as effective as a chocolate teapot on the tundra! His record for United stands at a whopping 24 goals in 85 matches, yet the No.9 shirt looks heavier on him than a hippo in a tutu! With £64 million fluttering away like confetti, Hojlund’s adventures continue to be a head-scratcher for United.
Adding spice to the comedy stew is Mason Mount, whose venture from Chelsea has been as smooth as a porcupine in a pillow fight. The £55 million man seems to have set a record — for seasons spent on the injury bench! Mount teetered onto the grass against Lyon for his 36th appearance, matching Manuel Ugarte, his partner in not-so-crime. The big spenders at Old Trafford are learning the hard way that recruitment isn’t a game of Monopoly, as their trio’s bluff may yet cost them an entry ticket to Champions League heights. With pockets emptier than a haunted mansion, the summer shake-up is looking more chaotic than a squirrel convention!
