A Comedy of Bizarre Injury Adventures…
Picture Manchester United as wizards on a wild quest to battle the fierce lions of Athletic Bilbao in the magical realm of the Europa League. But alas, their broomsticks are broken, and their wands missing! Amidst flying turtles and talking goalposts, United is hoping to glide into their third Europa League final in nine years. Their heroic comeback against Lyon feels like a fairy tale, but without a win, it’ll be like trying to dribble a jellyfish — slippery and pointless! Brace yourselves, Red Devils, for here’s the legendary list of injuries:
Diogo Dalot, the iron-legged Portuguese knight, has been smitten by a calf gremlin. After single-handedly battling wolves, his weary muscles tapped out. Coach Amorim waved his crystal ball and sighed, “His legs are playing hide and seek with fitness. Unknown return date.” Meanwhile, Matthijs de Ligt, whose ankle was cursed during a brutal Nottingham Forest duel, has rejoined the team but enters the field with the stealth of a ninja — hidden but mighty!
Poor Heaven might as well be stuck in a football purgatory; he recently had a small bump on his camel ride back to the pitch. Meanwhile, Amad’s magical ankle potion worked wonders, allowing him to possibly appear against Bilbao for a cameo. Meanwhile, the unfortunate Zirkzee’s hamstring said “ta-ta” and disappeared into the off-season sunset after a dance off with the Toon Army cousins. If football were a Shakespearean comedy, United’s injury list would steal the show — except, of course, the narrator’s out with a sore throat too!
