United’s Ailments: Heaven’s Fallen, Maguire Almost Mighty…

It seems Old Trafford has transformed into a pop-up medical center, as Manchester United battles a lineup of limping legends. The latest to have a spot on the injury bench is Ayden Heaven, who took a tumble during the team’s convincing 3-0 victory over Leicester City last Sunday. Heaven’s hobble follows a tango with Patson Daka, prompting an early second-half goodbye via stretcher. Meanwhile, manager Ruben Amorim is already playing defense without center-backs Lisandro Martinez, Harry Maguire, Leny Yoro, and Jonny Evans. We’ve got the scoop on who might shake off injuries before United tackles Nottingham Forest on April 1st.

Our mate Maguire, after an early FA Cup retreat against Fulham, is eyeing a return against Forest, exclaiming, “April Fools’ won’t catch me this time!” Leny Yoro is likewise hoping to spring back into action, having been sidelined after Arsenal played doctor in the first half. Though not long-term, Yoro is aiming for a Forest return, too – may the luck of the Leprechaun be with him!

Elsewhere in the ranks, young Heaven brightened fans’ day with a social media post assuring he was “recovering faster than a speeding bullet,” while a host of others, from Maguire to muscle-bound Martinez, are lining up to join the healthy unit soon. ✱