Sesko, the Red Devil Derby…
Ladies, Gentlemen, and overly-excited football aliens, grab your popcorn and your super-sized scarves because Manchester United is in a quest crazier than a squirrel chasing an acorn in zero gravity! The red card warriors from Old Trafford are looking for a striker to bedazzle like a disco ball at a 1980s prom, and none other than Benjamin Sesko is the chosen one—though we’re all pretty sure he wished he were a Jedi. With over a month until the summer transfer window shutters slam shut like a clam on caffeine, United is throwing everything but the kitchen sink at this deal. They even have Christopher Vivell, their magnificently clever director, dealing cards like an espresso-fueled magician. Watch out folks, it’s about to get wild!
Meanwhile, from the shadows where the Toon Army gathers, Newcastle United dreams big. They’re prepared to break the bank, their piggy bank, their neighbor’s piggy bank, whatever piggy banks necessary to bag Sesko. It’s like a giant game of Monopoly, where they hope Sesko will land on their ‘go.’ But, as always, the message of ‘secretly like us better’ has been sent via carrier pigeon in codes only he and his agent can decipher. Newcastle’s saga could be plotted in a Shakespearean melodrama, ‘To be Toon or Not to be Toon,’ that is the question!
And in the midst of this football family soap opera, Ruben Amorim, with the stoicism of a coach who has seen enough post-game sandwiches to last a lifetime, plays it as cool as a cucumber in the Antarctic. Responding to those who pry! His simple answer is “No,” suggesting they’re more concerned with the powerhouse trio Bryan, Matheus, and Diego. As Sesko stands at the crossroads with a ‘Gentleman’s agreement’ in one hand and dreams of a new shirt number in the other, it truly makes you wonder if the pitch is like an episode of ‘Footballer’s Got Talent,’ and if he’ll say, “Yes, to the dress.” Or, in this case, yes to the jersey!
