Red Devils Europa and Transfer Shenanigans…
Hold on to your scarves, folks! Manchester United is juggling more balls than a circus seal after sealing a comfy 4-1 victory over Athletic Bilbao! The match was a goal buffet, with Casemiro and Rasmus Hojlund doing a nifty jitterbug before Mason Mount waltzed in with a second-half double encore, making the aggregate 7-1. But wait for the big drum roll — it’s an all-English Europa League final, folks! Tottenham ushered Bodo/Glimt off stage in Norway with a 5-1 aggregate. Set your alarms for May 21 in Bilbao, where the United crew hopes to snatch their first trophy since dinosaurs roamed — or since 2017 under Mourinho, whoever came first.
In the transfer funhouse, whispers flutter like butterfly confetti about Matheus Cunha of Wolves fame. The Red Devils are courting him like a suitor armed with roses and a very persistent mariachi band, though a deal’s still a wallflower at this dance. They’re playing the long game, trying to swipe right on personal terms before end-of-term bells ring. This Capoeira wizard is eyed as the attacking puzzle piece to plug United’s leaky goal faucet, a tale as old as time for the roster writers.
Meanwhile, the ship’s periscope spots Liam Delap, a young striker meteor blazing across the EPL sky. United’s piggy bank is jingling with coins aplenty, but Delap’s playing hard to get, as his dance card is loaded with eager suitors. At 22, he’s choosing destinies like a fantasy RPG hero, ensuring his next gig isn’t a one-hit wonder. In the world of football love triangles, everyone’s hoping he swipes right on United’s match. Can’t blame him for taking time to choose his footballing love story like a careful connoisseur of fine cheese.
