Red Devils Face Humorous Sell-Off Dilemma…

Once upon a time in Manchester United’s glorious halls, every summer was dubbed ‘big,’ but brace yourselves, this off-season might just be the biggest of them all—or at least, the most hysterically ridiculous.

The Red Devils are down £300 million in the last three years—spoiler alert: that’s not good! And to make things spicier, 200 lucky ducks in staff might find themselves snacking on football pies elsewhere.

Nestled comfortably in 14th place in the Premier League, this season feels like a never-ending rollercoaster that even the bravest of fans might not want to ride again. If Real Sociedad punts them out of the Europa League, it’ll be like being hit by a football faster than you can say “ouch!”

Securing a European spot feels like trying to kick a watermelon into a goal—look, anything’s possible, right? With the Premier League setting profit traps, the team’s aiming not to do a throwback to their 1973-74 season of doom.

With legends like Jonny Evans and Tom Heaton riding off into the sunset, Eriksen and Lindelof will wave goodbye too. And let’s not forget, Chelsea playing Santa by offering Sancho a £20m to £25m deal—a bargain, if you ask a millionaire!