From De Gea’s woes to Onana’s oopsies…
Ah, Manchester United and their mysterious case of errant goalkeepers! First, we had the once-mighty David de Gea, who played for the Red Devils like a magician pulling rabbits out of hats — until his magic wand snapped in two. The former king of the six-yard box crumbled spectacularly against Sevilla. Imagine a giraffe on roller skates, bewildered amidst a sea of footballs! Poor De Gea kicked the ball as if he’d forgotten its very purpose, gifting Youssef En-Nesyri a goal with all the courtesy of a holiday Santa handing out free gifts. Well, the elves back home in Spain didn’t like it one bit and neither did United, so it was hasta la vista, Señor David!
Enter stage right, Andre Onana, hailed as the knight in shining gloves to restore glory between the United posts. But ah, irony, thou art a funny fellow! Onana swooped in with promises of elite distribution, only to occasionally distribute the ball about as reliably as a papier-mâché conductor on a runaway train! He’s got the fans chanting and hoping he doesn’t turn into the slapstick show we all fear. From Lyon’s drama club audition to Old Trafford’s nail-biting thriller, Onana is on a curiously bumpy ride to goalkeeping greatness.
Now, as United summon their inner lion against Athletic Bilbao, the script of football’s soap opera has Onana at its centre. Athletico’s stadium awaits, echoing with the whispers of past goalkeeping fumbles. The Red Devils’ faithful are crossing fingers, toes, and should their lucky four-leaf clovers sprout horns, Onana might just sail through without a blunder-induced facepalm. Or he may become the next guest on the ‘Oops-a-Daisy Football Show’! Time will tell, but here’s hoping Onana’s next move isn’t inspired by the classic comedy of De Gea’s demo tape!
