A Bruised and Bemused Squad Prepares for Derby…
Ladies and gents, hold onto your scarves because it’s time for the Manchester United Whack-A-Mole injury extravaganza ahead of the epic Man City derby! With players dropping like flies, munching on a football boot buffet, the Red Devils aim to deliver a double whammy victory over the cunning Citizens for the first time since hanging up their disco boots back in 2018. After a rather bumpy ride losing 1-0 to the Forest Goblins, our hero coach, Ruben “The Magician” Amorim, is brewing up plans to turn these misfortunes into pure gold at Old Trafford this Sunday.
Now onto the star performers of the injury circus! Heaven got tangled up like a spaghetti western with the Leicester Foxes at their last sunny showdown. Although stretchered off in an ambulatory shell—a fashion statement for troubled toes—Amorim assures us that Heaven will return from the clouds before you can say “by George!” But wait! De Ligt’s ankle pulls a stunt worthy of circus trapeze just as he claims all’s fine, leaving fans biting their hats. Thankfully, he might just grace the grass for Sunday’s riotous rumble.
And who could forget the melodrama of Martinez and his ACL? Out for the season but hey, it gives him time to learn knitting! Meanwhile, old-timer Evans has his injury saga dragging on longer than a Lord of the Rings movie marathon. But what’s this? Mainoo back in training? Shaw rebuilding better than a game of Minecraft? And if Amad makes his triumphant return, there’ll be more celebrations than at a grand parade! Join the comedic carousel, folks—this Sunday, the Red Devils are mixing medicine balls and magic potions as they brace for a colossal clash against Pep’s powerhouse crew!
