United’s Goalkeeping Chaos Unfolds…
Ruben Amorim insisted Andre Onana was ‘recovered’ but from what? A sugar rush? Onana, keeping warm like it’s the Arctic in a purple hoodie, could only train thrice before facing Arsenal—barely enough to master a new dance on TikTok. The game against Arsenal turned into a slapstick comedy of errors as Altay Bayindir’s blunders made Heaton seem agelessly fit at 40 in April. The post-match grilling on Amorim was so intense he walked off before a single hair was singed. United’s goalkeeper saga unfolds like a soap opera, with Onana frequently absent, leaving fans rewriting history books after every match.
Despite Bayindir’s less-than-glorious charisma in goal — conceding goals as if they were buy-one-get-one-free deals — United’s plan for an upgrade is more puzzling than a penguin in a desert. Erik ten Hag sees Onana as the chosen one, postponing Afcon plans as though he’s resolving an ancient prophecy. Promising goalie Radek Vitek emerges like a knight, clean sheets in tow, awaiting his chance. Then there’s Elyh Harrison stepping down like a daredevil on a rollercoaster with no brakes. At United, the quest for a star goalie continues, unless Donnarumma falls out of a stardust sky into Old Trafford, miraculously carrying a ÂŁ400,000 pay cut contract in his hand.
