Lisandro’s Knee-Ordeal Unravelled…
In the far, far away land of Old Trafford, a brave knight named Lisandro ‘Licha’ Martinez, guardian of the Red Devils’ penalty area, suffered a cruel and tragic twist of fate on the battlefield against the Crystal Palace Horde. Struck down by a foul yet innocuous knee-knocking with the infamous Ismaila Sarr during the 82nd minute — a tick of time so ominous it could scare the wits out of a metronome — he vanished from the arena, leaving the fans to weep into their meat pies.
Having undergone the mystical ritual of kneecap enhancement, also known as a surgery that’s longer than a referee’s injury time clock, our hero finds himself at the Carrington Alchemy Center. There, the sorcerers — dubbed “medical staff” by mere mortals — work tirelessly with spells and therapies that promise to bring Licha back, perhaps even before red carpets are rolled out for Arsenal on August 17. But fear not, for prophecies are hard to predict; though smoke signals from the Training Ground indicate his return might light up the skies sooner than expected.
Meanwhile, head coach Ruben ‘The Philosopher’ Amorim casts philosophical Koans, emphasizing the virtues of patience and loads of line-up shuffling until Licha’s glorious return. Among the hallowed fan base — who cheer his name as if it were the chorus of a catchy stadium chant — excitement bubbles like a cauldron whistling a tune. To the Red army and all football jesters, gather ’round your listening devices for exhilarating updates straight from the heart of Manchester’s kaleidoscope dreamland — they come faster than a winger on a caffeine rush!
