Geordie Roar Shakes Man United’s Boots…
In a display more dazzling than finding a unicorn in your cereal, let’s give a raucous round of applause for Newcastle United, who painted St James’ Park with goals, leaving Manchester United feeling more lost than a penguin in the Sahara! Paying homage to the ghost of Kevin Keegan—who once rode a 5-0 tidal wave against Man United—they stopped just shy with a 4-1 thumping. The Toon Army can now boast of a historical double, last conquered when dinosaurs roamed the earth and footballs were still made of stone in the 1930-31 season!
With Newcastle soaring on cloud 9, Manchester United were left wallowing in a puddle of despair with their 14th Premier League defeat—they’re sinking faster than a stone in custard! With the urgency of a snail on a lazy Sunday stroll, Ruben Amorim has adopted a strategy more surprising than spotting a polar bear in Trafalgar Square: ditch the league, storm Europa League. An unmissable sight was when Geordie fans cheekily chanted, “We can see you sneaking out!” as they watched Man United supporters disappear like socks in a washing machine!
The illustrious showcase could hardly be dimmed by injuries or teen debuts, with ball prodigy Harry Amass shining brighter than a disco ball. Meanwhile, Newcastle’s Jason Tindall flashed a grin big enough to eclipse the sun, while Bruno Guimaraes capped off the Toon extravaganza by netting the fourth goal. As the red-shirted visitors cycled through substitutes faster than a hamster on a wheel, their lackluster defense was paper for Newcastle’s scissors, and even flying on a unicorn couldn’t save them! The match ended with the Magpies owning the skies and the Reds nursing a sore plumage, pondering if those glory days are just a sandwich away.
