Manchester United and City xG Rankings…
The Premier League has just kicked off with an unexpected twist – a table based not on real goals, but on the mystical powers of expected goals (xG)! Manchester United was poked by Arsenal’s needle-like 1-0 win, while Manchester City flattened Wolves with a 4-0 victory so convincing, Wolves are still searching for their missing dignity. As remarkable as discovering a new planet made of cheese, this xG table portrays Liverpool at the top with 1.31 xG from their 4-2 romp against Bournemouth.
In a hilarious twist, United is somehow second with an xG of 1.22, without even sneezing a goal past the Gunners who are doing the limbo at 15th position with 0.09 xG. Meanwhile, City, despite their goal fiesta, sits sixth with an xG of 0.6 – a plot twist even M. Night Shyamalan couldn’t have written! If this inverted universe continues, we’ll expect goalkeepers to start scoring hat-tricks. The Red Devils head to Fulham and the Sky Blues face Tottenham with hopes to balance their xG and real goals, or who knows, maybe prime themselves for a ballet recital instead.
