United’s Easter Egg-stravaganza…
Ah, Easter Sunday—bunnies, eggs, and a complete lack of sugar and spice from Manchester United! The Red Devils turned into sleepy kittens at Old Trafford as they were thwumped 1-0 by the cunning Wolves. After their midweek sorcery against Lyon, United decided to take a nap in the first half, leaving André Onana to ponder life’s great mysteries in goal. Despite Christian Eriksen’s attempt to usher the egg into the basket, it was Wolves’ Pablo Sarabia who cracked open a goal with a cheeky free-kick!
Victor Lindelof wore the captain’s armband like a knight on a quiet quest, yet his sword stayed sheathed with an unspectacular show. Tyler Fredricson did more congratulating than defending, as complimenting opponents became his new hobby. Meanwhile, Patrick Dorgu defied gravity by sending not one, but two inviting crosses that somehow drifted into oblivion. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s just a football going out for a goal kick.
Enter Bruno Fernandes, bringing the spark with goals as rare as a unicorn’s selfie. Alas, the cameo couldn’t save United from their plight as misses piled up like half-eaten Easter eggs at the end of the day. Manager shuffled his cards, bringing a cast of subs off the bench, but not even Mason Mount’s cameo appearance could solve the case of the missing goals. Another day, another head-scratcher at the Theatre of Dreams!
