From Cyclists to Car Crashes…

Hold your horses and lock up your socks, folks! It seems Sir Jim Ratcliffe’s football fever has hit Manchester United harder than a flying football into a spectator’s nachos! The former Aston Villa and Everton brainbox, Keith Wyness, has declared that Sir Jim’s dive into the world of sports is about as successful as a penguin in a penguin football league—it’s been a bit of a chilly disaster. While Sir Jim’s sidekicks at Ineos steer their bikes, boats, and race cars like pros, Wyness thinks his touchdown at United is more like a fumble, leaving fans pulling their hair out like it’s confetti on New Year’s Eve.

The Drama Lama continues as Sir Jim threw a massive suitcase full of shade at former United manager David Moyes, declaring him as suitable as a marshmallow helmet for a monster truck rally. Moyes—who probably has a cupboard full of respect awards—copped the comment like a footballer getting yellow-carded for a cheeky wink. This eyebrow-raising episode has United’s loyal legion wondering if Sir Jim’s sense of humor got lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle of boardroom banter.

But wait, there’s more! Ratcliffe’s attempts at fixing United’s woes seem as smooth as a walrus on roller skates. If Sir Jim continues this comedic calamity, it might belt out more laughs than an accidental own goal. Whether you’re following this saga on WhatsApp or listening in on the awards-winning Manchester is Red podcast, rest assured the shenanigans will continue till the cows come home—or at least until they all become professional football referees.